This weekend, I went on a college/campus ministry retreat/rally thing in Panama City Beach, Florida. One..you know it's going to be good bc it's on the beach...in Florida...with some of your best friends...and Two...it's Jesus time!!
This year was an amazing year and God's spirit was totally present.
The theme this year was HOLOS [Reimagining Campus Ministry]
The Greek word Holos means- All, Whole, or Entire
It can also mean-The idea that all the properties of a given system cannot be determined or explained by it's component parts alone. Instead, the system as a whole determines in an important way how the parts behave.
The whole idea was that we each have a puzzle piece...which represents our lives. Each puzzle piece has broken edges, weird shapes and designs, pieces missing, parts that sometimes don't make since, and pieces that sometimes don't match other puzzle pieces. But eventually, each puzzle piece has another piece, somewhere, that it connects to, which connects to another piece somewhere, and so on and so on. Ending in a completed puzzle with no jagged edges or missing pieces. But one WHOLE puzzle, complete and perfect.
I loved the idea of the puzzle pieces. It really made you think. We all got a piece of a puzzle and got to keep it so that we are always reminded that there is another puzzle piece out there somewhere that we are to be connected to so that the whole puzzle can be completed.
I am going to Africa in May-and I am getting more and more excited every day!! I started to worry about having enough money to go-but then I remember that God provides-and He will not let me go without! And then i started to feel selfish....for doubting God and for being afraid- this weekend there were booths set up from the Christian Relief Funds to adopt a child in a different country who had no food,water,clothes,shelter,medicine, but they still trusted and praised our God above. There was an organizations to get water to Africa because women have to carry very heavy buckets of water for miles and miles to their village-and they still praise God for life.There is a smelly nasty filthy dump in Honduras where orphans and widows go to find food, cans to sale, whatever they can find to make money ever day-they still love Jesus. There was a lady on the praise team who's husband was killed two months ago in a hunting accident....she is 9 months pregnant...with two kids already...and she stood up on the stage, LIFTING her hands and PRAISING our God who gives AND takes away!!
So why do I question or hesitate, to TRUST and give my all to a God who provides?? When people who have lost everything or never had anything to begin with, praise Him, and His holy name!!
It just really encouraged me to stop being so selfish....and to be selfless
To become cruciformed--->showing the image of the cross daily!
I really think, that God has a plan for me after school, to leave the United States. To go do His works, to live with His people, that know nothing of Him, who need love, a friend, help, support, education, a life worth living. And I believe that Jesus is calling me to do this.
One thing that was said this weekend that really made me happy...was that the speaker asked us...what would we risk...if we went somewhere..sold everything...left and served Jesus. The first things I started thinking of were my friends and family, my schooling, my goals that I have now, a husband, my possessions, etc. Then the speaker said...that we have EVERYTHING and NOTHING to lose....he said that basically we are Christian Zombies-meaning that we have died to Christ-but are walking around here on Earth. He then continued to say....that we have nothing since we are already dead...because the dead can have nothing...So he told us to follow Christ and do what He commands...listen to His every word...You will lose nothing but gain it all...because YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE!
That made me smile...and it made me feel confident...that I can sale all this junk I have...because really it's nothing..because I'm dead...and I need to go serve my God...who calls me daily to do his work!
I got home from the weekend...with no voice...from singing and shouting and worshiping...which I was happy to not have a voice if that was the reason! And I got in bed...ready to read my Bible...and I just prayed that God's words would speak to me, and reveal to me things I need to hear and know. So I started reading Ephesians...and EVERY word spoke to me...and God was revealed to me in a whole new way. And it made me feel even more confident in the fact to leave and sale everything and serve my God....
Ephesians 3:20 tells us that GOD'S POWER IS AT WORK WITHIN US!! That makes me SO strong and able to do anything through His son's name!!
But Ephesians 2:10 gave me all the confidence in the world to know that being His disciple is my calling-
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to DO good works, which God PREPARED IN ADVANCE for us to DO.
God has been preparing in advance a place for me to serve Him and love His people. He has made a place for me to DO his works through Him.
GOD IS LOVE
Thursday, January 6, 2011
SO...I am sitting in my mom's living room...watching some NBA basketball...after watching some JERSEY SHORE!!...and I am eating a bowl of Golden Crisps.
Ya know..I don't ever remember eating this cereal bf...but let me tell you something...this cereal...is HEAVEN!
I have basically eaten this WHOLE box by myself since my mother bought it just last week...
So I decided to do a little research on this cereal....
This is what the OH SO SMART Wikipedia told me:
Golden Crisp is a breakfast cereal made by Post Cereals and introduced in 1949 as Sugar Crisp. It consists of sweetened puffed wheat.
In a 2008 comparison of the nutritional value of 27 cereals, U.S. magazine Consumer Reports found that Golden Crisp and Kellogg's Honey Smacks were the two brands with the highest sugar content—more than 50 percent (by weight)—commenting that one serving of this or other high-sugar cereals contained at least as much sugar "as there is in a glazed doughnut from Dunkin’ Donuts". The two cereals are both sweetened puffed wheat. Consumer Reports recommended parents to choose cereal brands with better nutritional ratings for their children.
Just what i need to eat a WHOLE box of...but ya know what..I LOVE THEM! so i will eat them...
but you CANT let them get soggy bc PUKE...soggy cereal...is the worst!
I'm just having a night...just one of those...where you could eat 17 bowls of cereal and not feel bad about it...
I went to PT again for this stupid hip problem i have...and it looks like its not changing...which means a brace for 12 weeks...worn 23 out of 24 hrs a day...and that stresses me....not fun.
Plus...and i KNOW bc my bestest GRACE GILLEY...told me not to mess with this guy...but...i dont always listen to the smart ppl in my life...and look what happens when i dont!
But this guy...i like him...and i dont want to...bc he talks to me when its convenient...or when he has time..and i understand he has a big time job...and he is busy with it...but he will text me...and i will text him back...and then i hear NOTHING for 4 hrs...and he texts back like no time has passed at all!
I just want to tell him...DO NOT call me...like you did last night...and talk for over an hr...and then talk to me TWICE the next day...i dont get it...and it bothers me...a lot.
I just dont get guys...and I dont know how to be in a relationship! I tell ppl what to do and how to act and how to make it work but when it comes to me and relationships...im a dummy! This is something i am REALLY trying to work on...like super really trying..i just have no clue! And all the others havent worked so obviously...i understand they werent meant to work out...but obviously...something didnt go right...and it takes two to tango!
Im just ready for change....im ready to be able to be me...and someone like me for that...
I want someone to understand that i LOVE Golden Crisps...and that when im having a badish day...i may want to eat 17 bowls...and hes okay with that...he would go get me more if i ran out...without even being told...
thats a good guy...
thats what i want...
i want a golden crisp!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
I'm writing this blog-
mainly for myself...
but also for others who are in my life-
so that i can reflect back on it and see what i have gone through...
and hopefully how i have grown..
i am almost done with college...
and i have a lot to do to prepare for being an adult
-and living in the "real world"...
i want this to be a record...
of my life-
and what is in my life-
to show me...
i am going to be transparent-to show the me-that Jesus loves and [fearfully and wonderfully made]
today-i'm writing about baby Leeland<3
Baby Leeland had his second of three surgeries today. I hurt for this baby and his momma and daddy. I love praying to Jesus and begging in his name to heal this baby's heart. I just love knowing the He has a purpose and a plan for everything and everyone. He never leaves us alone...even in the darkest valleys...or when we feel alone...he watches over us!
I love Psalm 147:3- I think it was written perfectly for baby L.
I can't imagine what Holly and Jonny are going through with this kind of pain being put on their baby. I can't imagine having no power or control over your baby. No way to stop his pain or tears from coming. How they must trust these doctors that they only met 3 months ago...with their sons life. I couldn't imagine...packing my bags at home...putting him in the car seat...and pulling into the interstate to head to Arkansas Children's...to carry my baby to a cold room...where they arent welcome...
I can't imagine how God felt...bringing his son into the world FULLY KNOWING...that his son was born to die a painful death. His son was born...to hurt...to be made a fool...to be broken...beaten...for me.
I know that Jonny and Holly were preparing for a healthy baby...one that they never wanted to give up to someone they never knew...
But God did it...and He had a purpose.
God did it to Leeland too...and He has a purpose.
I am so blessed.
I am so loved.
I am carried to the table of the Lord every day.
Broken and Sinful.
Ashamed of things I have done and do.
But Jesus was born-for all of those things I have-
to protect me.
to love me.
to heal me.
to bind wounds.
to heal broken baby hearts.
Our God is a God who saves<3